Calls from a social worker are always on some level unnerving. No matter how many you have had or what is going on in the case you are always on some level bracing yourself for the unknown. The funny thing is we all know we can’t control what is said, or how it unravels. That yucky gut wrenching feeling where you just want to come unhinged is very real. Some call it nerves, some anxiety and fear, but I know in some way we have all had that feeling.
Today was one of those phone calls. Really nothing concrete or definitive was said, but just another piece of an unknown outcome was placed in the puzzle. I could feel my stomach turning and my mind beginning to race. Asking why God would this be going on? Begging for him to protect this little girl who has come SO far. I heard a soft whisper reminding me “the battle isn’t yours”. I was able to regain my peace to continue the day. As I rocked our sweet Elle before putting her to bed I caught myself begging God again to protect her. At that moment it was like a light bulb went off. I wasn’t conversing with God. I was conversing with the enemy or at least allowing him to take my mind on dark road. The enemy wants me to focus on what I don’t see happening, or on the what if’s. The small doubt is a breeding ground for him to have a field day in our minds. I know my father’s voice and he doesn’t speak in fear and anxiety. He speaks in the quiet voice reminding me the battle isn’t mine. He may speak in conviction but not condemnation. His voice always leads to a two sided conversation not one with his daughter begging for what she believes is His will. He wants us to rest in the character of who He is. He is her protector, not me. He is her provider, not me. He knows every detail of how this story goes, not me. He wants me to completely have my hands off it. He wants to show us over and over again that He is a good Father who loves each of us fiercely. We don’t have to beg. He wants us to know Him in such an intimate way that we trust and know that He has it all under control. It may not look like it, but He is working even in the middle of the confusion and unknown.
I don’t know if that speaks to anyone else, but it was one of those moments that really hit home in a new way.
Elle is doing so good. She has started occupational therapy through telehealth. Her therapist is amazing and has really helped us navigate her sensory issues. Her attachment with us has grown and her sweet personality continues to blossom every day. We heard her belly laugh last week and it was the most precious sound. We know that those small things are huge signs that God is healing her soul. This quarantine has been so good for her. Brylan and her have formed the sweetest relationship. They are becoming quite the duo. She is such a girly girl. She LOVES shoes and frilly dresses. A friend dropped off a bag of clothes for her and she wanted to try everything on. 😆
Thank you for continuing to pray for her and what God has for her future. Please continue to pray for our family and protection over our hearts as we walk the path of the unknown.